Andy's Letter
by The Writer On the Wall
Summary: My version of what Andy wrote in the yellow notebook for Sharon, in case he didn't make it out of surgery. **Betad by Usagi636


Dear Sharon,

Not that I'm planning on dying any time soon, but I'm writing this letter for you, in case I don't make it out of surgery, and never get the chance to say to you, in person, what's in this letter.

We met each other many years ago on the job, but I've only gotten to know you in the last few years. Remember how much we disliked each other back then, when you were in FID? I always thought you were out to get us all (on Robbery/Homicide and later, in Priority Homicide/Major Crimes). Boy, was I an idiot, or what?

Remember that time I was almost killed by an asshole I once put in jail? I was so mad at you back then for investigating me for his complaint against me (once again, being a jerk). Needless to say that I know you were only doing your job, trying to get to the truth. I also know that you were hoping I wasn't guilty. You were always secretly in our favor, I know that.

I guess I'm writing all of this, because looking back, that's probably when I started liking you. Though, I never admitted it to anyone, including myself. It was so much easier, disliking you with the rest of the Major Crimes squad. We stood united behind Brenda, even when she was doing things the wrong way, and pushed away anyone that tried to burst our bubble. Even you, who were only trying to help us all.

As I'm writing this "confession" down, my heart is racing just at the thought of you. It's funny, isn't it? If you think about where we started at. Having said that, I always thought you were a beautiful woman. So, I guess I never really disliked you as much as I made myself believe. If I think about it now, I'm no longer objective, cause the possibility of not feeling the way I do toward you now just seems… Impossible. I made a 180° turn, and you only have yourself to "blame" (or praise) for it. You made me a better man. When I started caring for you, I started caring for myself. I didn't even realize it was you who was causing this change in me, but now I know. As Nicole loves to call it - it's the Sharon effect. The moment you joined Major Crimes was the moment my heart started to fill. I swear to god, it was empty before you walked onto that crime scene, with Taylor, and announced your new position as our head of division. I know I didn't like that idea at first, but there was a moment, when we were at the morgue together and you suddenly figured the case out - that's when I saw that there was so much more to you than we knew. I was sure you'd be great as our leader, and I was right.

Anyway, I didn't mean for this letter to be so long. I'm just trying to express, in writing, what I feel toward you, and it's harder than I'd thought. No amount of words seems enough to describe it. I guess… you woke me up. Just by being who you are. You gave me a reason to wake up in the morning, other than work. Actually, you brought me back to life. You're such a special, precious, human being. Please, keep yourself safe at all times for me. I need to know that you'll be ok.

You know, I could go on for several more pages, trying to tell you how I feel, in a way that can fully transmit the extent of my emotions. It's hard to believe, but even after all the words that I wrote, I still don't feel like I was able to really do it. But you gotta know how I feel, right? They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I mean, you might have missed the way I looked at you before I took you out on our first official date, but you couldn't have missed it after. I'm totally smitten with you, it's ridiculously impossible to miss.

Well, I have to finish now, 'cause Provenza is nagging me about it. I wish that I had the courage to say it to your face before this damn injury happened. It's just not the right time for it now, is it? But I can't go knowing that you'll never know. You changed the way I look at the world. You made me better. I can't remember ever feeling toward anyone the way I feel toward you. I guess what I'm trying to say in this wearying letter (sorry) is…

I LOVE YOU.

Andy.


End file.
